Flying: Where Have I Been?

It’s a fair question since it’s been over two weeks since my last post.  I’ve been wandering purposefully around the U.S.  It’s not my fault, my employer seems to think that they shouldn’t have to pay me if I don’t fly wherever they tell me to.  But since you asked, or since I asked for you, here’s the answer. 

 

Portland, Oregon

 

I was excited to go to Portland because I’ve enjoyed every other trip to the Northwest corner of the country.  However, Portland was not what I expected it to be.  I walked from the Hotel to Downtown Portland, which took me through Chinatown.  First Impression: it seems Portland residents prefer their bars to have ...ehem… adult themes.  Live nudes signs flashed at me from every other corner.  I thought it was just the wrong section of town until I actually reached down town and the Coffee Bars were almost as bad as the alcoholic bars.  Bikini Coffee Co. Stores outnumbered Starbucks.  The Baristas in Bikini Coffee Co. dress in white bikinis and dance behind the counter as they pour cups of coffee for business men.  Why white bikinis, I wondered, wouldn’t coffee stains show easily on them.  It’s an indication of the culture of Portland that I was intrigued by the color not the fact that the coffee girls were half naked.

In addition to the adult theme of the town, the population of Portland seem to be split between houses and street corners.  There were more homeless leaning against lamp posts (albeit very ornately decorated lamp posts) and fire hydrants than I’ve seen even in San Diego or New York.  Unlike San Diego Homeless, these street residents seemed to be close to my age, not many were older than 30, and have to deal with a lot more rain and cold than their Southwester counterparts. 

To top it off and send me back to my hotel, I was approached by a man outside of the Nordstroms whom I would have thought was homeless if he didn’t have a clipboard (it’s an unusual accessory for a homeless person to have).  He identified himself as a member of Green Peace.  He told me all about how the company who owned Kleenex was destroying the world by promoting Global Warming.  He also told me that I could help by giving Money to Green Peace and not using Kleenex. 

I didn’t give him any money but I did tell him that I thought Global Warming was a conservative conspiracy to flood Hollywood, thus drowning all the liberals and saving the country.  While he was still deciding if I was serious or not I gave him my best republican handshake and walked away.  What a town.

 

Las Vegas, Nevada

 

            I have an appreciation for Las Vegas.  Sure it’s loud everywhere you go and leaves Portland in the dust as far as Adult themes go, but it’s also a town where people go to throw away their money and call it fun.  I had about 16 hours to kill in Vegas.  I don’t mean to brag (yes I do) but I’m a pretty decent poker player. 

            I walked into the Poker Room of the Venetian Casino at about 4 o’clock that afternoon and sat down at a $1/$2 table just as five of the other players were getting what I would find out was their 4^th round of Patron shots.  There it was, I had five targets already and I had only been there for 10 seconds.  The minimum buy in for that table is $100 and the max is $300.  I don’t know what these guys did for a living but they didn’t come with empty wallets.  I did my best to make sure they left that way.  They’d lose their $300 and put down $300 more.  When that was gone they’d put down $300 more.  “It’s Saturday Night in Vegas, Baby,” one of them said every time he bought back in.  Indeed it was.  I left Las Vegas with February’s Rent money in hand. 

 

Huston, Texas

 

Everything is bigger in Texas and that includes the passengers.  We had a dozen passengers who were on the verge of needing seat belt extensions and the Airbus seatbelt extends to fit at least a 46-inch waist.  There are only three seatbelt extensions on that plane which means we were almost in a situation where we had to off load passengers because they were too big to buckle their seat belts. 

I found myself in a rather embarrassing situation on this flight.  A man came on the plane and asked me for a seatbelt extension.  I said I’d bring him one and went to get it as he found his seat.  After I had gotten it and found where the gentleman was seated I tried to hand it too him.  Usually I do this as discretely as possible because it can be a sensitive issue for some people when they don’t fit in their seats.  “Sir, your belt,” I said as I handed it to him below the seat line.  There was one of the odd moments where everyone is suddenly silence just as I said it and at least three or four people looked, including one lady who turned around to see who I was handing a seat belt too.  The man, who apparently did fit in his seat belt gave me a look that most people reserved for murderers and rapists.  “I Don’t Need It, Thank You Very Much,” he said as I quickly retreated to the back galley. 

We had a 19 hour layover in the Huston Airport Marriot which is a nice hotel but not exactly the ideal location.  I watched some Monday Night Football and got two workouts in.  Not my idea of an exciting layover.  

 

Vancouver, B.C.

 

            I’ve been in 17 different countries but until Tuesday I had never been in the closest country to home.  Our friendly neighbor to the North had never merited a visit.  It’s strange too, that my favorite professional sport is Ice Hockey and I still hadn’t gotten to Canada where they live and breathe Hockey.  Luckily, that’s been remedied. 

            It was another layover in the airport but Vancouver Airport is definitely a few steps above Huston.  They have rivers and waterfalls running through the terminals.  There were two aspects of the layover that made it better than Huston.  First was the Hotel.  It was, without any competition, the nicest Hotel I’ve ever set foot in.  The Fairmont has all of the amenities that make a hotel comfortable and added all of those that make it feel more like home than home.  There is mood lighting in Bathroom which is good because sometimes when you’re on the hopper it’s easier to go with dim lights.  It had a separate shower and bathtub.  I’m six feet tall and I could lounge out in the bathtub, which I found out by doing so still in my flight uniform (obviously without the water).  The bed was one of the most comfortable around.  It felt more like floating than lying down.

            The other part of the trip that made it fun was the birthday party we through for one of our flying partners.  He turned 50 on the 21^st and that isn’t something you can let go without a drink or two.  We found a restaurant in the domestic terminal that was more reasonably priced than the $40 a plate restaurant in the Hotel Lobby.  Rodney, who was the one celebrating his birthday, had spent 28 years as an aircraft mechanic for the Air Force before becoming a flight and was full of interesting stories.  It’s always the crew that makes a trip fun.  

I have another Jump Seat Legend Coming but I haven't had the time to work on it recently.  I'll post it soon.  The last and scariest will come out on Halloween.