Qualified pursers go through a couple weeks of training that teaches them everything from how to take first class meal orders to how to deal with unruly passengers. This qualifies them in the company’s eyes to fly the purser, or head flight attendant position.
After the class is over, they quickly forget everything they were taught and develop their own style. This actually makes for smoother flights as long as the flight attendants are willing to be flexible on a trip-by-trip basis. Years of real experience is better than the lesson plans provided by a group of “experts” who spent a few weeks thinking about theoretical situations.
But just because a flight attendant gets purser qualified doesn’t mean he or she has to fly the purser position.
On the Narita flight we had 4 FAs with purser qualification. This wasn’t a problem on the flight to Japan. Everyone agreed on how things should run.
However, on the way back, we had two less working flight attendants (they were Narita based and had been stuck in DC from earlier operational problems) so the staffing of the airplane needed to be changed.
On a full Boeing 777 the normal staffing with 11 flight attendants would be 2 in first class, 4 in Business, and 4 in Economy with the Purser working in First or Business as needed (quick side-bar: Flight attendants love to whine about this. 10 years ago the 777 would be minimum staffed at 15 flight attendants with 7 in Economy, 5 in Business, and 3 in First. We would have gotten an extra $5 an hour in understaffing pay for each flight attendant under that which would mean they would make an extra $540 for a flight staffed with 11 flight attendants. The company recently decided to change the staffing levels effectively eliminating understaffing pay.) In our briefing, that’s the way the purser assigned positions.
The problem came when we found out that a few dozen people weren’t going to make the flight. This meant that there were only 3 people in First class, 20 in Business, and 175 in Economy. You don’t need 4 flight attendants and a purser in Business class with only 20 people to serve.
What do you do in this situation? The rational person might approach the purser and say something like, “Given the changes in the passenger load, do you think we could have another person helping us in Economy?” Or maybe, “I know you didn’t expect this but with the load changes I think we could use a little more help in the back.”
Non-confrontational. Effective. Doesn’t ruffle any feathers.
The bitter flight attendant, however, would stand in the back galley and start complaining loudly to everyone who will listen about how bad we were getting screwed and how stupid the purser is being and repeatedly say, “it’s just not fair. I’m gonna tell her, too.”
It took a bit of will power to just nod my head and walk away instead of saying, “Life isn’t fair. Get over it.”
I feel like I’m a rational person and I don’t like whining, but I didn’t volunteer to be the one to talk to the purser. I just put up with the complaints. One of the other ladies in the back (an area code FA who wasn’t whining), walked up to the front without telling us what she was doing and came back a few minutes later to find the other two complaining to me about the staffing unfairness.
A few minutes after that, I saw the purser walking up the aisle towards the back galley where we were setting up.
“She’s coming,” I warned them. I didn’t want to be found guilty by association if she overheard my flying partners talking behind her back.
“Hey guys,” she said when she reached the back. “It’s been brought to my attention that the loads have changed a bit so I’m going to send someone back from business to help you out.”
I appreciated the shocked looks on my two co-workers faces more than the purser, I think.
“I’m glad you decided to air this out with me instead of talking behind my back. Thanks for the good communication.”
She smiled earnestly and gratefully. I almost choked on my drink.
The first thing we do after take off is hand out the customs documentation. Supposedly this is the best time to do it, although I have my doubts. The idea is that people will be able to take their time and fill them out correctly.
However, I’ve found that no matter how much time someone has, they try to do everything as quickly as possible. That means they scarf their food, gulp their drinks, and scribble through their paperwork (oddly enough, they still seem to savor their time in the lavatories. I guess some things just can’t be rushed).
I follow the rules and hand out documents to the right side of Economy while John covers the left side. We then keep extras on the first beverage cart, the meal cart, and the final beverage cart.
It typically takes about 2 to 3 hours to do the first service (consisting of a first beverage and snack service, trash pick up, main course and beverage combined, trash pick up, final beverage, then final- as if it ever ended- trash pickup). That’s 2 to 3 hours where we don’t care if you screw up or lose your paperwork because we have more ready for you.
Naturally, no one asks for more right then. Nor do they ask for more during the deathly slow hours where none of us have anything to do. They ask for more paperwork, or tell us that they never got any during our final decent where we have the most to do in the shortest amount of time.
At about 20,000 feet, that’s well into final decent, the call buttons start ringing like the carol of the bells.
Hark how the bells
Sweet service bells
All seem to say
“I threw my docs away”
Oh how they pound
Raising the sound
Passengers wail
Telling their tale
“I need a pen!”
“We’re landing when?”
“Fill this out how?”
“Do I declare my cow?”
“I’ve lost, I’ve lost, I’ve lost, I’ve lost my papers.”
“I’ve lost, I’ve lost, I’ve lost, I’ve lost my papers.”
On, on they send
On, without end.
Ding, dong, ding, dong
Too much? Alright, I’ll wrap it up with one more short cautionary tale.
There was a younger man sitting toward the back of the airplane and like so many young men, he had a few beers with dinner. Then he had a few more after dinner. Never enough to make us worry about him.
In the final two hours of the flight, he started making frequent trips to the rear lavatory. He was pale and sweaty and the first time he came back I thought he might be sick.
By the fourth time, I was sure he was sick.
When he came out of the bathroom the last time I had to ask.
“Are you alright?” An obvious ‘no’ but I don’t want to accuse someone of being sick that isn’t.
“Yeah,” he said. “I think it’s all out now.”
“Can I get you a cup of water? Ginger Ale?”
“No. I’m ok. I’m not sure what was wrong but I feel better.”
“Well you had a few beers,” I pointed out.
“Not that many.”
“Did you take any medications?”
“Yeah, I took a Percocet so I would sleep.”
First of all, I’m pretty sure that percocet is not a sleeping pill, it’s a pain killer. Second, I’m pretty sure it’s one of those pills that comes with a warning, “Do not take with Alcohol.” It should add, “If you do, you may vomit 4 times."
I didn't feel bad for him. Unlike Mr. T, I don't pity the fool.
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