I don’t have the time to write the lengthy posts I used to. That’s probably because I’m back to flying a full schedule.
That’s good and bad. Good for bank account. Bad for writing. See. I don’t even have the time to write complete sentences anymore.
What I do have time for is a short rant.
I like Switzerland. I really do. It’s populated with unusually friendly, helpful, and attractive people. I only have one question.
Why can’t the Swiss put doors on their showers?
There’s a little slab of glass. It’s about two feet wide. What’s that going to do? The back end is completely open. The floor slopes slightly towards the drain under the shower head but what about the water that bounces off my head (trust me, my hair isn’t soaking it up) and ends up on the floor? What about that water? You don’t care about that water?
It makes you wonder… if the showers are this poorly constructed, do the Swiss even use them? Maybe the altitude has affected their brains. Maybe they just saw a shower on TV once and said, “Yeah, I think that would look nice in a bathroom.”
I use the showers. I need to use the showers. The last thing I need is one of our premier passengers writing me up for smelling. I can only imagine that letter.
I paid $10,000 for a first class seat from Zurich to Washington and I couldn’t get any sleep because your flight attendant smelled too bad. It was like he’d only seen a shower on TV once and never actually used one. Please fire him immediately.
Sincerely,
A guy with a lot of miles who is probably a friend of the CEO
If you think that letter is a stretch, I have some first class passengers you need to meet.
I’m going to describe my shower experience for you in a second. I just want to warn you, it involves nudity. Please blur out all parts you find offensive.
Hey, stop that! My face is not offensive. It’s the other parts I was referring too. Oh jeeze, now you can’t stop can you?
Lets just get this over with…
The towels are hanging in the shower. This always irritates me. I can’t properly dry off with a towel if it’s already soaked from being in the shower. I’m not aiming the showerhead at it, but splashes do occur. It’s a side effect of pressurized water.
Between two bath towels there’s a hand towel. Wait. That’s not a hand towel… I think it’s supposed to be a bath mat. It’s definitely bigger than a wash cloth. It’s slightly larger than the hand towels by the sink. The real give-away is the grainy feeling that proves it was never meant to come in contact with a human face.
I lay it on the floor. I’m glad my feet aren’t sweaty- the towel looks like it could only absorb one or two drops of liquid.
Either way, I get in and turn on the shower. I jump back as the cold water hits me. Well, at least it’s easy to get out of the shower. Is that the idea? No door allows you to expeditiously exit the shower when the water is too cold?
I let it warm up for a second then jumped back in.
Water splashed. I don’t blame the water. It’s just what water does. I blame the Swiss.
Build me a door next time.
I showered as quickly as I could. I didn’t want the water level to reach the bed in the room outside.
I was also afraid the any passing children might be caught in the undertow and drowned.
What? No! I wasn't expecting any children while I was in the shower. I was just saying, if any were passing... lets just keep the focus on the Swiss here.
I step out of the shower and onto the lame excuse for a bathmat. As I predicted, it was already soaked.
Then I made a mistake. As I was reaching for my toothbrush on the sink, I stepped off the bathmat and my foot lost traction on the wet tile. I spun around, hand desperately grasping for a shower door that wasn’t there.
As I fell backwards, almost in slow motion, my life in the bathroom flashed before my eyes. I saw every shower door I had ever ignored… I wished I could go back and ask their forgiveness for my ignorance.
Then I landed squarely on the toilet.
“Huh,” I thought. “While I’m here…”
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