Back to Work

It’s back to work for me.  Today will be my third visit to the small city of Narita, Japan, outside of Tokyo.  Hopefully this time I have something more interesting to write about when I get back than the fantastic, amazing, wondrous automatic-beer-dispensing machine in our hotel.

I worked yesterday. I was on stand-by, which means I sit in the airport and wait until someone misconnects or doesn’t show up. 

The hardest part about stand-by is the packing.  Stand-by trips can be up to four days long and in that time span the weather can range from Chicago Blizzard to L.A. heat- mostly because they’ll send me from Chicago to L.A. and usually back again.  

The contents of my bag last night (excluding the necessary socks and underwear) were: Gym shorts, bathing suit, jeans, shorts, flip-flops, wool socks, t-shirts, and sweaters.

I was a boy scout.  Always be prepared.

Yesterday, I showed up at the airport and was assigned a short trip to Hartford.  The original crew misconnected so the airline scrambled to replace everyone so the flight could get out on time.

Unfortunately, one of the replacement reserves assigned to our flight didn’t get the message, which means we had to delay boarding while they pulled a poor reserve off of his first flight to Frankfurt and assigned him the Hartford turn.  We boarded a plane full of grumpy passengers 45 minutes late.

Worst of all for Matt, the reserve pulled off the Frankfurt flight, the Customer Service Reps were making announcements about the delayed flight, blaming it on a tardy crew member- which was perfectly accurate- then they see Matt show up 40 minutes after they’re supposed to be on the plane and a few of them make somewhat snide comments to him. 

Not nice and certainly not fair to him.

Naturally this was all before the pilots realized that the plane had pressurization problems. 

According to the mechanics, the plane’s pressurization system was working fine but according to the cockpit monitoring system there was a major problem.

Your average pilot enjoys breathing and these two were no different.  They insisted that they fix the system, despite the mechanics request to defer the problem until the plane came back.

This thanksgiving weekend, I’m grateful for pilot’s discretion.  

Our already grumpy passengers weren’t so grateful. 

The pilots were being very kind, I thought, and giving frequent updates about the nature of the problem and the different things they were doing to correct it.  They eventually decided that it really was a computer problem and they were going to have to replace that computer.  An hour later they had no estimate about how long that would take- only that it would be a while.  

One first class passenger flagged me down as I was walking by.

“What’s the problem?” she asked.

“I know as much as you do ma’am.  There’s a computer problem.  Something about the pressurization system.”

“I know that,” she said huffily.  “But they also said the system is working.  It’s just the computer that’s broken.”

“Yes, ma’am.”  

“Well then why don’t we go?”

I fought the urge to say, “because computer is broken,” which would have been the most obvious answer but also the answer most likely to tick her off.  Instead I said, “If we develop problems at 30,000 feet, then we wouldn’t know it was happening.”

“Well is that likely?” she asked in a way that made me feel as if I had said something rude.

“No, ma’am.  I’d like to go just as much as you” I lied.  If we don’t know that we lost cabin pressure at 30,000 feet then we all die of hypoxia, giggling like babies while our brains are slowly depleted of oxygen. “But it’s up to the pilots.”

“Fix it soon,” she said.

I’m sure she meant to say please.

Another half an hour passed.  The mechanics were going to need to take the front of the airplane off and completely rebuild the system.  So the pilots decided to refuse the plane for a working version a few gates down. 

I got a call on the jet-bridge as the passengers were deplaning.

“Hello is this Flight Attendant Bingaman?”

“Yup.”

“The replacement plane is actually the aircraft that the original crew is coming in on.  You and the rest of the crew are released for the day.”

Awesome.  Let that crew deal with these people. 

I got to go home which I was glad for but Matt wasn’t thrilled to be pulled of his first Frankfurt for a cancelled flight and four hours of duty pay (at $1.50/hr).  I guess that’s just the way the airplane crumbles. 

 

 

Turkey Time

I'm visiting my parents for Thanksgiving so I'll be taking a few extra days off from blogging.  But first, I'd like to wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving and remind you all to really over-eat Thursday so when you over-eat during the upcoming holidays, you can look back and say, "Well, at least I did better today than at Thanksgiving."

I've also added a new feature so you can rate my posts and let me know what you really want to hear about.  When you get to the end of the posts you'll see, "Reactions" followed by "Love It", "Not Bad," and "Waste of Time."  

Pick one.  It'll make me smile.  

Misery of Being a Lazy Cat

I sleep in 'til 11 or noon every day. When I get up it’s only long enough to get a bite to eat and make it to the sofa where I’ll lounge out for a while longer. Perhaps I’ll play with my toys for a bit but I’m going back to sleep after that and I’ll be upset if you disturb me.

This is not the life of a cat. It’s the current life of a reserve flight attendant and it’s getting to me.

I’ve worked fewer hours this month than most people work in a week.

If you have a real job, you’ve probably worked 15 days so far this month and are enjoying your 6th, well deserved day of rest. In my case, I’ve worked 4 days this month and am suffering through my 18th, undesired day of rest.

Incase you're wondering, that irritated kitty is my roommate's cat, Ming Soo (I’m not responsible for the name). She’s the only one in the house working less than me.

The good news is, I haven't missed an episode of House, Bones, NCIS, Dexter, or The Fringe yet this month.  That means I've watched more hours of TV than I've worked.  

Ok, so it's not all bad.  I've been spending a few hours everyday in the library with my writing.  I'm making serious progress on this novel.  I even got to kill someone yesterday (fictitiously).  Since I have my vacation coming up in February, I plan on finishing the whole thing by the end of that month (did he say finish?  Yes.  Finish.  What a wonderful concept).

Until I start working again, and there's always hope that I'll work tomorrow, I'll just keep wearing the letters off my keyboard.  Enjoy your daily jobs you lucky readers.  

Beards and silly pictures

I forgot to mention, I've been beardless for a few weeks now. It was just a phase. A fun and manly phase.  I was reminded when I saw this video on youtube today.  It's another man's adventures in beard growing and it has a kicking song to go alone with it.  

Since I don't work very often anymore, I've been spending a lot of my time posting images to go along with the content on my website. I usually try to keep it relative to the article it's with but I was having trouble finding the right image to go with the "Guide to Fiction Writing" page. In my most amateur attempt to get something up there, I drew a treasure map, with the treasure being "better fiction." After I saw it, I couldn't stop laughing so I posted it to the website. Unnecessarily distracting, I know, but still amusing. Anyone have a four year old that can give me some pointers?

A New Home page and a trip to Vegas

This whole "job" thing isn't really working out.  I think I'm still an employee but they don't work me very often anymore.  The airlines still aren't making money.  It has something to do with stocking up on oil when it cost $120 and not having any money left to buy it at $50.  I shouldn't complain.  It gives me more time to work on the website and my novel (which I haven't talked about for a while because it's going so well and I don't want to jinx it.  Crap.  Did I just jinx it?).  I've updated my website's  home page and spent a few days learning html so it doesn't look so... amateurish.  

My last trip was back to Vegas, which can be dangerous but I ended up flying out with my bank account unscathed and a nice dinner from the Cheesecake Factory in Caesar's Palace in my gut (currently still on my gut).  

Caesar's Palace is, by the way, the most fantastically lavish hotel I've ever set foot in.  It's laid out like a shopping mall with stores that I can't afford and restaurants that I can afford but usually don't waste money on. 

Luckily one of my fellow crew members insisted on Cheesecake Factory ("Seriously man, this place has the best martinis in the world;"  They were okay) so we ended up there anyway.  The ceiling is painted sky blue with clouds and the fountains are actually more impressive than the their counterparts in Rome.  That may just be because every once in a while they start shooting fire and water at the same time. 

After dinner we went into the Casino and I watched my new friend lose $400 on the craps table in just under 20 minutes.  Since the casino was obviously cheating, we left and went to the craps tables in Treasure Island down the street where he won back $200 of the money he had lost.  I didn't put a bet down.  Mostly because the craps tables in both places were like a Vegas hospice: where people and their money go to die.  Everyone at the table with the exception of me and my coworker (who actually was old enough to be my father) had qualified for social security by the time I was born. 

I don't usually play, but because I was standing at the craps tables and getting free drinks for hanging out with a gambler, I suddenly thought that I was good at blackjack.  It turns out that irrational decisions (Like hitting on a 16 when the dealer shows a 6) are a good idea and I walked away with $75 (my hit card was a 5 giving me 21 and the dealer ended up with 20) which covered my dinner and a bit more.  

I suppose the moral here is to eat at restaurants you can't afford and only gamble when intoxicated.  I don't know, that's just what it said in the pamphlet the casino handed out.

Flying: Favorite European Cities

I'm going back to Las Vegas tomorrow.  My employer seems determined to tempt me into bankruptcy through gambling.  It’s been a while since I’ve been out of the country, almost two months with the exception of my short excursion to Canada.  As a reserve flight attendant, my trips are unpredictable.  I never know where I’m going until the night before at the earliest, 4 hours before I board the plane at the latest.  

I enjoy living in the states and visiting everywhere else.  It’s like living in a small apartment and having lots of friends with mansions.  It’s great to visit but I don’t envy the bills they have to pay to keep it.  Recently, it  feels like my friends aren’t inviting me over anymore.  It’s part of the job.  I really shouldn’t complain.  Most American’s never leave the country, much less frolic around Europe and get paid for it. 

Having said that, right now I’m missing the old countries of Europe.  I was wondering recently, what is it that I miss?  This post is my romanticized memory and recommendations for your own travels.

 

Munich, Germany.  It may be because I have some German blood in me, it may be because other than English, German is the language I’m most comfortable with, but either way, Germany tops my list of places to visit in Europe.  History is all around you when you walk down the cobblestone streets of downtown Munich in a way that America is lacking.  People were walking those streets, and most of the streets in Europe for centuries before Columbus climbed on his boat and rediscovered the new world. 

 It’s not that the history of Munich is better than the history of any American city (I’m not sure what better is when it comes to history), its just much bigger.  There is a unique feeling of history when you’re walking through it.  If you find yourself in Munich the first thing you should do is visit the original Hofbrauhaus.  Not only is it one of the oldest beer houses in the world, it’s also the place where Hitler rose in influence and power.  He used to hold Nazi meetings in the famous beer hall.  The Germans are very conscious about preserving their history, the bad along with the good. 

Take a walk through the expansive parks if it’s a nice day.  If it’s warm enough, you can swim in the river with locals and tourists alike.  The first time I was there I took a bike tour (Mike’s Bikes if I remember correctly).  It’s a fun way to see the city and get some history if you don’t mind being a stand out tourist. 

 

Amsterdam, The Netherlands.  How did that country get such a wilderness-like name?  You hear a lot about the sex and drug culture of Amsterdam.  What you don’t hear a lot about is how friendly the people are and how beautiful the city is.  I wrote about my first visit there in this blog before, but since it’s one of my new favorite cities, I’ll bring it up again here. 

The red-light district is worth a walkthrough.  They also have some famous art museums and the Ann Frank house.  It’s such a diverse city that I think I’ll have to go back a few more times before I can give you a real to-do list.  Trust me, I’ll do my best to do just that.  If you want to read about my first visit, here it is: http://planeprose.blogspot.com/2008/07/flying-exploring-new-city.html

 

Paris, France.  It’s one of the most hyped up cities in Europe and for a good reason.  Some of the native Parisians are a little course towards Americans, but for the most part they let us be.  There is nothing as artistically inspiring as walking through Paris on a warm day and taking in the architecture.  There is no city in the world that tries so hard to remain beautiful.  The Eiffel Tower is a must see, but once you’ve seen it and climbed it, it’s attraction fades.  The real gems of the city are the Arch de Triumph and the Louvre. 

You could spend a decade walking through the Museums in that city and still not comprehend the true value of the art.  My personal favorite so far is the reconstructed Napoleon Apartments in the Louvre.  The man had everything he owned plated in gold. 

After you’ve seen the sights you can really start to appreciate the city.  Find a café, overpay for the food, and sit there for hours and relax with a friend over a bottle of wine or two.  I’ve been there enough now that I can skip overpaying for the food.  I find someone who is feeling social, we buy a loaf of bread, some cheese and a bottle of wine and sit around talking until they’re gone.  

Writing: The Website

I've blogged about it.  I've talked about it.  I've spent (sometimes wasted) hours and hours of my life reading about website design, web writing, and web marketing.  I've even spent a few hours doing actual writing (a "few hours" in this case is more like a hundred hours).  I'm finally ready to share it.  

Today I finished editing and putting together my first author interview.  The author is actually a fellow Pitt graduate with a fantastic author-like name, Cameo Rowe.  His first Novel, Defenders of the Realm I: The World Mystic Arts Tournament is being released a little later this month.  He's a cool guy and an interesting case study in starting writing early.  He writes fantasy, in case you didn't pick that up from the title of his novel.  

If you've spent any time reading this blog, you probably know that I'm a little weak in the self editing department.  So there are probably some typos and errors in the website.  I've tried to get them out but feel free to complain about them in which case they'll be promptly removed.  

The website is supposed to be a creative writing help website.  There's a lot of competition out there in that particular niche so my expectations, finically speaking, are pretty low.    What I really hope to get out of it is the experience, the contact with other writers, and some quality time thinking and writing about writing.  

So if you're interested in creative writing, or if you just want to see what I've been working so hard on, click over to the Creative Writer's Desk at http://www.creativewritersdesk.com.  If you know anything about web design or have any comments or suggestions, feel free to post them here or send me an e-mail at henry@creativewritersdesk.com.  

Until next time, I'll have my head in the clouds or nuzzled up to a computer screen.  Thanks for stopping by.  

Election Results

You've probably stopped by today to hear my thoughts on the election results.  I'd hate to disappoint you, so here they are, listed in the order they occurred to me.    

1. I'm glad it's over.

2. We're the cool kids on the block again now that we're so progressive.

3. I'm going to sit back and let the change come.

4. What are we changing again?

5. Who is Jon Stewart going to make fun of now?

6. I thought the Concession and Victory speeches last night were both pretty good, as far as the rhetoric goes. 

7. Hopefully this "tax us into a utopia" thing works out.  

8. Who's older?  McCain or Biden's Mom?

9. Does G.W. have a hole he can hide in for the next 30 years?

10. I'm glad it's over, really.  What can we obsess over now? 

Airplane Sanitation- Oxymoron?

It's election day, finally.  If you live in a heavily contested region like I do, I bet you can't wait until the whole thing is over and whoever wins settles into his new office and start breaking promises.  And of course, it looks like it's going to be Obama.  No, I'm not watching exit polls, or even waiting for them to start counting the votes.  I'm trusting in the Redskins.  

The Redskins are 17 for 17 at prediction the election results.  When they win the game before the election, the incumbent party wins.  When they lose, the incumbent party gets the boot.  The Pittsburgh Steelers handed them a 23-6 loss last night.  The Democrats were celebrating, Steelers Fans are having mixed emotions.

But back to the real subject of this post, the question you've had on your mind for so long and I've repeatedly failed to answer- How do you fly around in airplanes without breaking out in hives or having your face swell?  

I admit, I knew the question was out there but since it had never happened to me, I thought you all were just being silly.  That changed Sunday. 

 I stepped on the plane Sunday afternoon with my usual, arrogantly un-swollen skin with every intention of remaining healthy for the rest of the day.  I was supposed to work to Chicago, sit around for three hours then work to Miami, FL, where I would layover at our beach front hotel until the next afternoon when I came home again. 

I never made it to Miami, because, as you may have already guessed, I broke out in hives and my face swelled.  However out of pain comes learning, and the events of this weekend have inspired me to help you avoid such disastrous results when you fly.  I'm still not sure what caused my body to begin distorting itself, but I've come up with a list of three healthy "Don'ts" that may keep you safe.

1. Don't Forget To Wash Your Hands.

Maybe it's because I know how many people use the Lavatories on the airplane or maybe its because I've seen the cleaning crews wipe off the toilet seat and then the mirror and then the sink with the same rag.  If you can hold your breath the whole time you're in the bathroom, good for you.  But if you can't, and you even find yourself looking when the bathroom door is opened, you should probably take a moment to wash your hands.  

Most airplane toilets are flushed by air.  When you hear that great big whoosh, most of the contents are going down the hole.  However, little flecks of urine and feces are also being blown out of the toilet, where they linger in the air for a moment or two before settling down on the walls and counter and door.  So wash your hands and open the door with a paper towel.  I'm no doctor, but I do believe that foreign feces can cause infection when it comes in contact with your healthy skin. 

2. Don't Drink Out Of The Can.

We give you a cup for a good reason and it's not just because you asked for ice.  Those can's are dirty.  When a plane gets back from a trip, all the unused cans go back into the catering facility where they aren't washed.  A man with gloves (the kind you use to make sure you don't cut your hands, not the kind they use in surgery to keep things clean) picks them up and puts them in a bin, which has come off of a different airplane and sends them off to another plane to be handed out by another group of flight attendants.  They fly around the world picking up dirt.  Eventually they're going to be picked up by someone who hasn't washed his hands when leaving the bathroom.  It's just not worth the risk.  Use the cup.  

3. Don't Trust The Tray Table.

They're washed... sometimes, if the plane landed in a station with plenty of cleaners... and they had the time... and they felt like going the extra mile.  The point is, if you drop something on the tray table, just imagine that you dropped in on the bathroom floor.  The 2, 5, and 10 second rules don't apply.  It's now radioactive food.  Don't eat it.  

Ok, so I don't want to scare you away from airplanes.  I just want give you a little heads up.  If you do have an allergic reaction, I found that Clariton, which is the only antihistamine they sell in Chicago O'Hare, works pretty well at calming the symptoms.  If you just get sick, well, though it out buddy.  It's probably just some feces in your blood stream.  That's what the liver is for, right?